My Blog

dang.

yesterday evoked a multitude of emotions. while i was sitting in class, unthinking and pensive, as i was waiting for the exams to be administered, i thought: i was neither disturbed, nor bothered, nor afraid, that i did not study. as in nada. none at all. zilch. zero. empty set. and all that sh*t.

i was sitting there, waiting for kingdom come, and my heart was beating normally, in fact, it was harmoniously in rhythm with the inconspicuous wall clock that was hanging near me.

hmmm.. flashback: UP, math 17 finals, 3rd fuc*ing time.

i sense that procrastination and apathy will soon get past me, if i do not modify my current mindset and again, *sigh*, realign.

well anyway, the semester is almost over, and i can’t be any happier. a lot of things are planned out to keep me occupied, and i can’t wait get to get my hands on ‘em. anyway, back to my story, perhaps i was numbed to guilt because my system was drenched with another kind of emotion - the heart-stopping and exhilarating kind. then it hit me, what the heck, it’s all worth it. a worthy trade. yes, siree!

and then it hit me again as i was answering the test questions, who the hell is pupdoh??

*sigh*

the euphoria has yet to die down. i swirl still in the flurry of drunkenness. ktv music. OBT. and the memory of this morning. i heave. i let out a gasp. i yawn. i take a deep breath. and still. my heart continues to palpitate with the intensity of its rawness.

*sigh*

i wonder. when  will i be released from this stupor? from the euphoria of the unexplainable. and the unquantifiable. and the inexplicable. what we have is the now. the moment. and the future? once again, i can only gasp. uncertain.

*sigh*

i have yet to move on. from the momentary pleasure. from the drunkenness of last night. and the magic of this morning. i need to let go of the euphoria. otherwise. i will be held captive in its clutches. forever.

i am literally swamped.

as i write this, my desk’s weight capacity is being tested to its optimal strength as my test papers, books, notebooks, lampshade,  radio, notes, pad papers, and other stuff are strewn in disarray. normally, this would have been a disturbing pile of litter to see, but considering the times and the circumstances, i feel enthralled to be within the student psyche again. the deadlines, the papers, the presentations, the final exams, and the pressure - all of them serve as reminders that once more, i am a student in a university. and although my past school’s hell week is thrice as toxic as is the case now, still, the familiar feeling is a welcome respite from the monotonous lifestyle that i had six months ago.

i still need to write about the filipino novel in english, and explain why yabes claimed that the philippine short story in english was born athena-like, full-grown and already distinct. add to that my book review of dean alfar’s salamanca, and my critique to zsa-zsa zaturnah and wasted, two great filipino komiks. and all these would have to be passed by tomorrow, otherwise sir casocot would fry our asses.

hell week, here i come.

once more.