My Blog

sometimes it chokes me; at times, it just caresses me.

i refer to it as ‘it’ because each time it visits me during ungodly hours, it takes the form of an androgynous creature.

sometimes, when i’m really lucky, i get a glimpse of its face before it dissipates into fleeting wisps of air, each time bringing with it the chilling winds of the night. most times however, especially when i’m in deep slumber, i just feel the caress of its formless embrace and the smooth silk of my blanket as, like a slimy reptile, it slithers its way into my body.

this morning, as i slowly opened my eyes to greet the first few streaks of the early morning light, i felt a great amount of weight pinning me to my bed. and as my eyes adjusted to the light, i felt the nudge of what seemed like a head on my shoulder and a hand over my chest - its weight rendering me defenseless and helpless, even as i struggled to escape from its clutches.

then i heard it whisper: "kuyog ta sa ilalom, clyde".

and for the first time since i arrived here, i prayed.

it has been over six months now that i resettled here, and although i am, by nature, a skeptic, i am slowly and silently believing that they exist. *